so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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