I just pynch a tree in the face
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
