Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
