her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
