I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't put those talents on a resume
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
