my phone needs a breathalizer
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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