i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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