I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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