I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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