Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
