i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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