the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
