Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
as a side note pls kill me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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