At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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