Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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