Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
