Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
