and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
