Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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