So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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