Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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