That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
