I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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