We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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