Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
