She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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