dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
