girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
