never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
