you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
