Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
