The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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