she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
