All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
