if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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