some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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