So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
