you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
