The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
