I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
