I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
