Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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