The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
