Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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