i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
