I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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