Im at strip club and am horny
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want to make out with him forever
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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