i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
