So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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