I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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