Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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