What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
