Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
