I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
