i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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