A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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