is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
