We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
