he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
