Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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