My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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