I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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