last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All the doctor said was why
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
