"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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