i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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