Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
