Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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