He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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