i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
