I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
