Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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