Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
