Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
