i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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