it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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