oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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