Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
