I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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