Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
