Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
