Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
